Finding Creative Direction
For the past few months, I've felt a frustration familiar to creative folks—the sense of being stuck. After a season of momentum, I suddenly found myself lost at sea. My interests and curiosities had started to shift, but I kept working in the old way. It felt like fervent rowing, only to find that I hadn’t moved an inch. And when I pulled the oars in, there still wasn’t wind in the sails. Feeling this vastness can be jarring, frightening, and lead to all kinds of self-doubt.
But this space of stillness and uncertainty is an opportunity for clarity. As I release the distracting narrative of "what should I..." I come closer to the truth of my longing. It is the longing that led me to begin this journey, to untether from the shore of what felt small and safe.
In this moment of pause I return to the core questions: What brings me to life? What is the feeling I am trying to express, or the experience I am trying to enter?
The Shape of Longing
I began this journey with a strong intuition of what my life could feel like, even if I didn’t know its specific shape. It’s like searching for a treasure that you know exists, though you’ve never seen it before. You have a deep conviction that it’s there in a way that almost feels like a memory. You want to find it, and the best tool you have is your belief that it’s findable.
This longing, I'm realizing, isn't just about art. It mirrors the very shape of contemplative practice. At some point, we are caught by a strong longing for a certain kind of life, though we don’t know its final form. We suddenly wake up to our longing for feeling supported, grounded, loved, and connected. That vision leads us to adopt certain practices: we pray. We meditate. We listen. We gather teachers, guides, and mentors around us. We try things on and take things off, feeling our way into alignment with the life we long for.
And yet, even with all this, we remain in that strange space between knowing and not knowing. There is a strong pull to look, but for what? We are caught in a bind, not able to recognize what we’ve always sought after until we hold it in our hands, glowing with recognition. It’s a sense of a strong direction while you’re writing down the map. We feel the pull of a vision, but we can't quite see the final form or the path that will take us there.
Clarifying the Vision
This is where I find myself with painting. I am clarifying what I want my work to be, guided by the experiences I want to have while making and viewing them. I want to create from a place of presence and offer that presence to others. I want my work to help transform ordinary spaces into small sanctuaries of contemplative encounter.
I want my work to bear witness to silence—not emptiness, but nourishing silence. The kind of silence that hums, carries energy, and connects with our formless longings. I want to feel and bear witness to the threads that weave us together. I want the work to hold the tension between solitude and our deep, inescapable longing to be connected. That's what draws me in—the movement between those spaces.
Beginning Again
So now I sit with the question: I have this vision, this longing. How do I get there?
Some of what I've made hasn't felt aligned. But that’s okay; nothing is wasted. The last few months have been wayfinding—trying to understand who I am and what I'm about. But now, I'm looking at what I've made and asking what small seeds might grow. Even when I couldn't articulate the vision, the longing was there. And now that the longing is intensifying, I need to come back to the beginning.
I return to the beginner’s mindset: releasing what I’ve loved while building new habits that can hold the new clarity. This, too, is part of the contemplative life. Practices that once served us might not carry us forward. They brought us to a threshold, but not across it. Longevity in practice is good. But sometimes, the desire that once sustained us gives way to a deeper one. And the practice must change to meet it.
It is good that they should shift. It is faithfulness to our search, uncovering finer textures of our longing. New forms emerge and others fade, but nothing is ever wasted.
I am trying to feel deeply into the enthusiasm and excitement of this evolving practice. I am learning to celebrate coming to the limit of what once worked and to say goodbye. It is good to thank what has brought me here. In moments of frustration, I am tempted to tear down and throw away what I’ve made. But that's not the path I want to take.
Instead, I prefer to pause and say “thank you.” To let the old work rest in its place and ask what it might still want to show. And if it’s had its course, to honor what no longer serves me by carrying forward towards the horizon of what’s coming next.
“The Ghost in the Machine” (2025)
Studio Updates
Artist in Residence: Scout Wine Bar (Gresham, OR)
Beginning August 2nd, I will be the artists in residence at the Scout Wine Bar. My residency includes a solo show (ebb | flow), which will be on view until the end of September. The show includes 12 original paintings, exploring the sensation of discovery and ancient memory. In addition, I’ll be hosting an artist talk on Thursday, August 21st at 6PM. Be sure to stop by, see the artwork, and enjoy a glass of wine sourced from local vineyards.
Ford Gallery (Portland, OR)
I am making my debut at the Ford Gallery for their group exhibition: “Abstract Only.” The opening reception is this Friday, and the show is on view until mid-September. It’s an honor to be included among so many talented regional artists in a beautiful exhibition space. This is one you won’t want to miss!
Art at the Cave (Vancouver, WA)
August is a busy month! I am delighted to return to Art at the Cave for their August show: “Achromatic.” This juried selection of black and white pieces features artists from around the Pacific Northwest. I have two paintings in this show which will be on view until the end of the month.
Next time by Sharon Svec (featured show image)
Lightness of Being (Online Exhibition)
I’ve been juried into the show “Lightness of Being” with Create! magazine. This international exhibition features 35 artists exploring the idea of lightness—emotionally, spiritually, physically, or metaphorically. How do we access moments of ease or clarity during life’s transformations? The full catalog and exhibition will be available in August, so stay tuned.
Save the Date: Portland Open Studio Tour (October)
Finally, Portland Open Studios is just around the corner. This is one of my favorite events of the year, when artists welcome new friends into their workspace to chat about all things art and life. I met so many wonderful people last year as a guest, and I am thrilled to be included as a featured artist in this year’s tour. If you’ll be in Portland on October 11, 12, 18, or 19, plan on stopping by my studio and discover new artists along the way.
